PHOTOS: What should be the Washington Commanders’ mascot?

The Washington Commanders (yes, it still pains me to type that) have yet to gain any traction with fans locally, and only just now got the team’s crest up to snuff by making a change that should have been instituted all along. But what about the Commanders’ mascot?

The franchise has yet to announce one, so we thought it would be a fun exercise to rattle off a few ideas for Washington to take into consideration (although, team president Jason Wright seemed to like my idea to change the team name to “Federals” but didn’t even include it among the finalists).

Here are a few ideas from the 蜜桃视频app Sports team:

1/5

General Burgundy N. Gold

After settling for a lackluster team name largely to avoid potential copyright issues with the more popular Red Wolves moniker, Washington steps right into more legal headaches anyway by selecting a mascot eerily similar to the general from the discount car insurance commercials. Is there a more fitting way for this organization to begin this new chapter than by leaning into the military theme way too hard (and with such an unoriginal idea)? Methinks not.

鈥� Rob Woodfork

<p><strong>S. Squire</strong></p>
<p>In the same breath of the former owner Jack Kent Cooke (also known as 鈥淭he Squire鈥�), S. Squire would wear a burgundy suit and gold tie and hold a brief case full of lawsuits 鈥� so many that they are sticking out of it. The other prop will be a can, which the mascot will kick down the sidelines, just like current owner Dan Snyder <a href="/nfl/2022/02/commanders-launch-probe-of-harassment-claim-against-snyder/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">does with the current lawsuits</a> he’s dealing with, and he will also charge fans who want pictures with or of S. Squire.</p>
<p>鈥� J. Brooks</p>

2/5

Lawyer holding document and speaking to jury in courtroom. (Getty Images/stock photo)

S. Squire

In the same breath of the former owner Jack Kent Cooke (also known as 鈥淭he Squire鈥�), S. Squire would wear a burgundy suit and gold tie and hold a brief case full of lawsuits 鈥� so many that they are sticking out of it. The other prop will be a can, which the mascot will kick down the sidelines, just like current owner Dan Snyder does with the current lawsuits he’s dealing with, and he will also charge fans who want pictures with or of S. Squire.

鈥� J. Brooks

<p><strong>Former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe</strong></p>
<p>He actually played a General in the highly-beloved/ignored AMC series 鈥淭URN: Washington’s Spies,鈥� so he could don the garb again with a Burgundy and Gold hat and sash 鈥� and if for some reason the team moves across the Potomac River to Virginia, I can鈥檛 think of a better human mascot for the Commanders.</p>
<p>鈥� Dave Preston</p>

3/5

Gov. Terry McAuliffe as General Lawson 鈥� TURN: Washington’s Spies _ Season 3, Episode 7 鈥� Photo Credit: Antony Platt/AMC (Antony Platt/AMC)

Former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe

He actually played a General in the highly-beloved/ignored AMC series 鈥淭URN: Washington’s Spies,鈥� so he could don the garb again with a Burgundy and Gold hat and sash 鈥� and if for some reason the team moves across the Potomac River to Virginia, I can鈥檛 think of a better human mascot for the Commanders.

鈥� Dave Preston

4/5

— Double L must Rock The Bells (@LoveThePuck)

Colonel Commander

This one is an obvious spin on the fictitious that many on Twitter have already spoofed, simply changing his trademark all-blue suit to an all-burgundy ensemble. Given Snyder’s association with treachery, this might be the most fitting choice of all.

鈥� Rob Woodfork

View this post on Instagram

<p><strong>Smilin鈥� Kurt</strong></p>
<p>This mascot would be most enjoyed by long-suffering Washington fans who keep their spirits up strictly through gallows humor.</p>
<p>Smilin鈥� Kurt would be a drawing of former Washington and current Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins. He wears a polo shirt, khakis and a very broad grin on his face. In the face of all adversity, Smilin鈥� Kurt never gives up and never really gets the job done either (as fans who scream 鈥�<a href="https://www.si.com/nfl/2018/01/15/skol-vikings-meaning-explained" target="_blank" rel="noopener">skol</a>鈥� have by now discovered). He鈥檚 called 鈥淜urt鈥� in honor of <a href="https://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2017/07/18/bruce-allen-seemingly-referred-to-kirk-cousins-as-kurt-five-times-in-statement/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a certain former team president who seemed insistent on calling him that</a> instead of his proper name, 鈥淜irk鈥� 鈥� especially after the two sides could not agree to contract terms.</p>
<p>鈥� Dimitri Sotis</p>

5/5

EAGAN, MINNESOTA 鈥� AUGUST 18: Quarterback Kirk Cousins #8 of the Minnesota Vikings looks on during training camp on Aug. 18, 2020 at TCO Performance Center in Eagan, Minnesota. (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)

Smilin鈥� Kurt

This mascot would be most enjoyed by long-suffering Washington fans who keep their spirits up strictly through gallows humor.

Smilin鈥� Kurt would be a drawing of former Washington and current Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins. He wears a polo shirt, khakis and a very broad grin on his face. In the face of all adversity, Smilin鈥� Kurt never gives up and never really gets the job done either (as fans who scream 鈥溾€� have by now discovered). He鈥檚 called 鈥淜urt鈥� in honor of instead of his proper name, 鈥淜irk鈥� 鈥� especially after the two sides could not agree to contract terms.

鈥� Dimitri Sotis

Rob Woodfork

Rob Woodfork is 蜜桃视频app's Senior Sports Analyst, which includes commentary and analysis in "DC Sports, Filtered" as well as duties as a multimedia sports reporter, nightside sports anchor and sports columnist on 蜜桃视频app.com.

蜜桃视频app