WASHINGTON 鈥� A father in Frederick County, Maryland, may have saved lives this week when, police say, he and discovered a detailed plot to shoot up her high school.
In a case such as the one involving the 18-year-old Catoctin High School student, it may seem like an easy call to read your child鈥檚 journal, or peek into their phone. But it鈥檚 not always that simple, said parenting blogger Leslie Morgan-Steiner.
Morgan-Steiner, of the blog, told 蜜桃视频app Wednesday that the Frederick County case is 鈥渋s a very sad, disturbing and really extreme case. [This was] apparently quite a troubled teenager. My point being that not every parent should automatically rush home and read their child鈥檚 diary.鈥�
At the same time parents need to respect their children鈥檚 autonomy, they still need to realize 鈥渢hat we are still the parents 鈥� we are still the responsible party.鈥�
So how to know when to snoop and when not to? Morgan-Steiner said the first key is to 鈥渒now your child very well and pay close attention, even when they鈥檙e growing up and really pushing us away and needing more privacy.鈥�
For most kids, she said, that鈥檚 enough: 鈥淥ne of the fortunate things about teenagers who don鈥檛 have really big problems is that they make really stupid mistakes. And they鈥檙e actually quite easy to catch if you鈥檙e paying attention and involved in their daily lives.鈥�
The things to look out for, she said, are 鈥渆xcessive behavior and very sudden changes.鈥�
Those can include changes in mood, a radical change in sleep habits and the presence of 鈥渘ew friends who you don鈥檛 like, or that they鈥檝e dropped old friends you do like.鈥� Even more critical, she said, are evidence of alcohol or drug use or any self-harming behavior, such as starving themselves, cutting themselves or making threats to themselves or others.
It doesn鈥檛 have to be something as big as a mass shooting plot, she said, and 鈥渋f you see those signs, that鈥檚 something you have to take very seriously.鈥�
Going to the authorities is a radical step, Morgan-Steiner acknowledged, and it can be easy to think your child won鈥檛 trust you anymore if you do it. But she said, 鈥淵ou need to keep your children safe above everything else 鈥� even if it harms your relationship in the short term. 鈥�
鈥淲hen you鈥檙e really concerned, it鈥檚 essential to monitor a journal or their social media, or even their phone. It鈥檚 part of our responsibility as parents to protect our kids and our communities.鈥�
The key is to go to them and explain yourself.
鈥淎fter you break a boundary in a responsible way, I would tell your child why you did so 鈥� in order to emphasize that you did it out of love and caring. And that it鈥檚 not a betrayal, and it鈥檚 not that you don鈥檛 trust them; it鈥檚 that you were concerned. And that that鈥檚 a very different type of motivation, from a parent鈥檚 standpoint.鈥�
She said that when she was in school, her mother would go through her backpack every few weeks.
鈥淎nd I think that鈥檚 the appropriate thing to do. It鈥檚 a little trickier with social media and devices, but it鈥檚 still a part of good, responsible parenting.鈥�
